Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
