I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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