i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
FUCK WHALES
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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