remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
