i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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