She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
