I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
