erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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