I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
