Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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