I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
