I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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