So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
