I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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