similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
