i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
