So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
