just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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