I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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