One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
