Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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