"it" just moved
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
