just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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