found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
