So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
