Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
