o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
