I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
