I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize