You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
