Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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