Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
