google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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