i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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