Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize