DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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