somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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