just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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