Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
