my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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