Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
