I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
