stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
