I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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