Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
