porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
