hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
