Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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