i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
