he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize