I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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