moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
