I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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