problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
