is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
