I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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