did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
