You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
